When I first read about the assignment I didn’t think that it would be really challenging to fill 850 words talking about some of my life experiences. It seems like I have more than enough to focus on. So I sat down and started to write in the stream of consciousness manner, of which, I am usually absolutely averse. I decided to write about my relationship with my much older sister, Christina.
As I started to write, I realized that the anecdotes that I had thought about using were not that significant and/or relevant, and my essay was more about her than me. The purpose of a personal essay is to delve into and develop MY character, not discuss why from my sisters’ experiences a certain level of tension exists in our relationship.
I looked at her motivations and changes with little acknowledgement of my feelings or emotions. I started to paint the picture of myself as the innocent bystander, and the complicated nature of my blended family as the culprit. In extricating myself from any blame, am I really being honest with myself about my part or have I somehow been brainwashed into thinking that what I feel as tension is nothing more than a case of sibling rivalry?
I am starting to wonder if this piece wouldn’t be better to write later in the quarter when I have the tools and ability to find my voice and learn to report on someone else’s perspective. I think that I will use this topic for the last assignment, where I can examine our dynamic relationship with more honesty and clarity than I am prepared to do now. For the first assignment, I think I will put aside what I have already written and focus on “defining my I” and using that definition for a piece that will come later in the quarter or in life.
As I started to write, I realized that the anecdotes that I had thought about using were not that significant and/or relevant, and my essay was more about her than me. The purpose of a personal essay is to delve into and develop MY character, not discuss why from my sisters’ experiences a certain level of tension exists in our relationship.
I looked at her motivations and changes with little acknowledgement of my feelings or emotions. I started to paint the picture of myself as the innocent bystander, and the complicated nature of my blended family as the culprit. In extricating myself from any blame, am I really being honest with myself about my part or have I somehow been brainwashed into thinking that what I feel as tension is nothing more than a case of sibling rivalry?
I am starting to wonder if this piece wouldn’t be better to write later in the quarter when I have the tools and ability to find my voice and learn to report on someone else’s perspective. I think that I will use this topic for the last assignment, where I can examine our dynamic relationship with more honesty and clarity than I am prepared to do now. For the first assignment, I think I will put aside what I have already written and focus on “defining my I” and using that definition for a piece that will come later in the quarter or in life.
3 comments:
Writing my piece I feel the same way as you. I think I am more writing about my father than about me. I don't think that it is a big problem as long as we really insist on our interpretation of the situation. But still, it is disturbing..
You're in a great situation Jenny (this is Aaron, Sharat's friend and one of Marin's former students). Reacting to others is a good place to start looking for you. The way you remember antidotes, re-tell stories and react to personalities can tell you a lot about who you are. Think about what details you include and what details you omit. What part of the story about your sister do you get stuck on? Which part is the toughest to tell?
For example, I'm working on a personal essay of my own right about the night the war in Iraq started. I've spent most of my piece talking about everyone else's reactions to the war, sharat's and the hippies we were hiking with in Arizona. I wrote about how every one else felt about the war and not about me. However, my feelings about the war were coded in the way I wrote about others. My disdain and disrespect for other's opinions at the war's onset told me a lot about myself.
Hope that helps. best of luck with the writing.
So true, Jenn. I really felt that as I was writing, my piece started to be more about other 'things' and other people and less about myself. So, in an effort to return back to defining my 'I', I think I got even more impersonal. I'm glad to see Aaron's comment, though, because it makes me think that there is still an 'I' even underneath all that story. Good insight!
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